As I grew up I learnt about being Christian, the morals and ethics of being a Christian, the actions and aspects of being a Christan and the promise of being a Christian.
Apart from my foolish ways of childhood and youth my religion was Christianity. I belived that God was out there and that He should be the center of my attention
But my parents and my church could not save me and make me. I was still my own lord choosing when to abide with the rules of my religion.
But even at the best of times when I was able to abide all of the rules I had learnt, I was not a Christian.
Because being a Christian is not going to church. Being a Christian is not doing good deeds. Being a Christian is not tithing.
Paul says in 1 Conrithians 13:3 'If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body tothe flames but have not love, I gain nothing.' (NIV)
Being Christian is nothing but a relationship between me and God. And a proper relationship is built on love from both sides.
God has already shown his love above and beyond anything I can do. »For God so loved that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.« (John 3:16, NIV)
My part is the second half of that verse : '... That whoever believes in him'. But believing in Jesus as my personal saviour is not something I can do from my couch.
It requires that I know Jesus personally and I can not get to know Jesus without experiencing him and his fulfilment of God's promise. And I can only really do that by trying out life and see if he makes a difference in it.
Now I have tried life just going through the motions without putting my entire trust in Him. Now in my adulthood I have put more trust in God and less self-reliance in my life.
And everytime I accepted to do God's will and to go where he wants me to go, even though it goes against what I think I know, God pulls me through and I get blessed with both wisdom and knowledge.
Seven or eight years ago I was a lonely man who had yet to know how it was to be in a relationship with a woman. My brother asked me a question if I could help him out. And this question was meant as a joke.
But I responded positively, going against my previous convictions about what I would do in my future.
I moved a mere 50 kilometer from my home town and served as a pastor for a year in a small, small local church with 6-8 elderly ladies and one likewise man.
Through this move I grew a lot spiritually and maturity although I did not give my all to this church, If I have to be totally honest.
But I did meet the lady who is now my wife. And that REALLY changed my life around.
I used to be a bachelor basically only concentrating on my own needs. I did provide for my little flock in the church but I feel that I could have given them and God more, and maybe have helped that church to grow new branches and thus survive. As it is now they are down to 3 or 4 old ladies.
But marrying my wife made me see that I need to depend on others and accept their help as well as I have to care for them and put them before me in my priorities.
And here I am now, serving God in Africa, more than 5000 kilometers from my home town.
I still battle with my self-reliance but I achieve more and more by simply letting go and give the control of my life into the hands of God. And everytime I do that he comes through and works miracles through my imperfectness
